There is a trend among today’s parents to “over parent” their children. What’s your parenting style?

Over-parenting is not only a parenting style, but also a mind-set. It came into style when the mainstream media began to tell us all about the occasional child abducted or baby stolen from its parents. As parents we were horrified and we wanted to protect our children from such horrendous experiences. Then September 11th occurred and our national paranoia was bumped up several more notches.

The current parenting standards seem to regard over-parenting as a sign of good parenting. If you don’t over-parent your child, you may be seen as a poor or neglectful parent. Peer pressure among adults can be just as intense and destructive as among children. This peer pressure has made us question our intuitive parenting skills and it has reduced our self-confidence.

Over-parenting is based on the belief for a child to be happy and secure, he must be protected from any experience he may find unpleasant or challenging. In an over-parenting family the child(ren) come first, and most activities revolve around them. They are allowed to do whatever is wanted and have whatever they wants. Telling them ‘no’ might be unpleasant for them! They are also viewed by parents as needing constant protection because the world is so scary.

Over-parented children might often be seen running around in restaurants annoying other guests who wonder why the children are not being made to sit down and be quiet. The reason, of course, is that the children might not like sitting down and being quiet!

Breaking the over-parenting pattern may be difficult, especially if your social network and your child’s school staff endorses over-parenting. You may find yourself standing alone while trying to fend off that peer pressure. But if your child is at the point where they are relying on you to think, plan, and do everything for them, then it is time for you to do something.

When your child is faced with a challenge, try giving ideas or techniques to cope instead of allowing an escape from the challenge. Help develop a tough “can do it” attitude.

It can be tough to balance between encouraging independence yet not placing too much responsibility on your child. Children need to be guided, protected, and provided for. This does not mean that children should be coddled and spoiled, however. Being an effective parent requires you to balance the head and the heart.